Gone Fishin

Hey everybody,

I'm back in the deep South for my grandfather's 85th surprise birthday party, my husband's family reunion and my mom's birthday (what IS it with all these July birthdays??)so I've been a bit tied up this week. But if you're hankering for some marriage trivia, once again the New York Times serves up another fascinating tidbit on Generation Y. Not only are many 20's and early 30 somethings still living at home or receiving financial support from their folks, they are now turning to them for dates...

Have a wonderful weekend! Looking for some new blogs to peruse? Delightful Blogs are Cutting through the Blog Smog

The Bridal Beat

Once again the New York Times offers another insightful look into that ten-headed hydra beastie - the bridal budget. Knowing that the average wedding price tag hovers in the realm of a 3 series BMW is old news, they've happily trotted out some hair-raisers from the types of weddings more likely to be featured in their own weddings and celebrations column:

“We once had a bride who was so obsessed with butterflies that she wanted to release live butterflies at her reception,” said Ms. Seccuro, creative director of Dolce Parties in Greenwich, Conn., and Manhattan. “When we freed them from their nets, they flew towards the massive light installations we had ordered, burned to a crisp and fell, in hundreds, to the dance floor.”

She added: “Price of butterflies: $10,000. Dead butterflies in your guests’ hair and cleavage: priceless.”

Uh, wow.

The article also examines the creative solutions that some couples -determined not to go batshit crazy with the spending - have devised for their ceremonies and receptions. Truly - I thought this one just rocked and I'm sad i didn't think of this myself:

The tables will have crossword puzzles and other word games instead of favors. “The questions and answers are about us: our middle names, number of bones Kevin has broken, city of engagement,” she said. “No one guest will know all the answers; they’ll just have to talk to each other.”

Cheap, brilliant ice breaker.

This is not your mama's hula hoop

This has nothing to do with weddings, but everything to do with having fun and getting in shape - which I suppose has a LOT to do with weddings, so I amend that statement. If you are tired of dogearing pages of Bride Magazine's 6 month workout plan or shuffling over to Curves, get your bridal self over to hoop revolution.

Anah Reichenbach, a.k.a Hoopilicious first discovered the hula hoop 11 years ago at a concert and hasn't stopped "hoop dancing" since. Now this isn't the baby-sized pink thing you remember from your childhood. This is done with a heavier adult-size hoop which works nicely with those hips you sprouted long after you left the playground. You may have seen Anah recently on
America's Got Talent where she hypnotized Regis with her insanely flat, toned stomach and dazzled the audience with the skills. She travels all over the world to perform, but lucky for me she lives in Los Angeles. Even luckier for me, she's a friend and my darling husband got me a private hooping lesson - and my very own hoop! - for my birthday. I'm bruised and banged up but I can't stop. If you don't live in LA, Anah custom makes all her hoops, so you can pick your colors and order them off her website. Seriously, why run the track at the local high school when you can pick up a hoop, get in shape, and look damn sexy doing it! Ok - Anah looks damn sexy doing it, but I hope to work pass the drop-on-foot, banged elbow, knockkneed awkardness to achieve my own level of hotness eventually!

Them There Eyes

Thanks to the lovely Mackenzie Sala for directing so much traffic my way! (And happy birthday to a fellow Cancerian. We rock, in our understated, sensitive, crab like way) If you're new here, welcome! Take a look around and check out the rest of the website. Or leave a comment. It gets awfully lonely here. All type-y and post-y and no love.

The purpose of the website is in support of my book Veiled Remarks: A Curious Compendium for the Nuptially Inclined which was supposed to be coming out this summer, but with an upcoming exodus from LA to Memphis, the purchase of a house (!!),and a niece on the way, the date got pushed back a little further. Probably this Fall if the move back to my hometown doesn't spiral me into some kind of deja vu wormhole and I'm found, dazed and slobbery, running laps around the baseball diamond at my old high school.

Anyway.

I'm trying out something new for the book. The agents who read it loved all the weird funfacts but missed hearing my personal story. While I'm not as interested in trotting out the drama of having a wedding called off and plunging into terrible depression as my fiance left the country - no joke- it's a good story. So I'm wrapping a narrative around the funfacts - some of its based on me, some of it borrowed, but I think it will add a really cool addition to the book.

Speaking of the book, the best part has been the research and I thought I would pass along a little tidbit I unearthed. Next time some dirt gets in your eyes or you saw too vigrously into that pork chop at the dinner table, be careful. You just might be proposing marriage.

EYE FLIRTATION

Winking the right eye: I love you
Winking the left eye:I hate you
Winking both eyes: yes
Winking both eyes at once: we are watched
Winking right eye twice: I am engaged
Winking left eye twice: I am married
Dropping the eyelids: May I kiss you
Raising the eyebrows: kiss me
Closing left eye slowly: try and love me
Closing right eye slowly: you are beautiful
Covering both eyes with both hands: bye. Bye
Placing right forefinger to the right eye: Do you love me?
Left forefinger to the left eye: May I see you home?
Placing right forefinger to the left eye: you are handsome
Placing left third finger to the left eye: so are you
Placing right little finger to the right eye: Aren’t you ashamed

DINING TABLE SIGNALLING

Drawing a napkin or handkerchief through the hand: I desire to converse by signal with you.
Holding it by the corners: Is it agreeable?
Playing with fork: I have something to tell you
Holding up the knife and fork in each hand: When can I see you?
Laying both together left of the plate: after meal
Clenching right hand on table: tonight
Napkin held with three fingers: yes
Held with two fingers: no
Holding napkin to chin with forefinger to mouth: cease signaling
Balancing fork on edge of cup: are you engaged tonight?
Striking fork with knife: I shall go out
Balancing fork on knife: meet me
Placing knife over the glass; will you be alone?
Slapping the ear as if brushing away a fly: I don’t understand

Sticks and Stones and Yobs

"It was absolutely horrible," said Mrs Reygan, 32. "Our special moment, where our love would be captured by the camera for the years to come, was wrecked by these yobs. I couldn't believe it - being stoned on your wedding day. Everyone was pelted."

So, not THAT kind of stoned. But no less bizarre

Yobs!!

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

There are the cheesy trends:



The trends we're stuck with:



And happily, there are the ones profiled by today's Chicago Tribune. More couples are opting to use their registries to donate either a portion or all of their wedding booty to charity. Want to give back but still score that stainless steel Kitchen Aid mixer? The Wedding Channel will donate proceeds from your registry to the charity of your choice. You get to start on your dream kitchen while helping out those much less fortunate than you.

Avril m8rries, is looking forward to m8trimoni8l bliss

Congrats to Avril Lavigne who got married over the weekend to Sum 41's Deryck Whibley. Chickee cleans up nice, no?



And in over the pond news, two UK tabloids/reality show darlings I had never heard of until today tied the knot in an apparently over the top, 500,000 euro ceremony at the mansion used in Robert Altman's Gosford Park. Congratulations Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole for finding fame on the telly, selling your wedding photos for a reported cool $2 mil, making Posh and Becks wedding look like a flea circus, and finding a little love along the way.

I so hope they sat on thrones

Gays awesome at parenting, would make marriage look too fabulous

It's old, sad news by now that the New York courts ruled that the legislative ban on same-sex marriage was constitutional. But I hadn't heard the truly bizarre "logic" behind it. Today's NYT reveals that the courts decided that straight people NEED marriage, because they apparently are too F-ed up to parent without it.

Wha?

I'm confused. The author of this op-ed piece opines that in their bumbling way, perhaps the courts were trying to be kind to the gay population by paying them a compiment. Yet I think I almost prefer the fire and brimstone biblical excuse, because that brand of close-mindedness is, at they very least, matter-of-fact about its bigotry. This is Bugs Bunny reverse psychology. This is insulting to the intelligence of gay people and just sad. What's worse, they have a valid point. Gays who choose to have children are doing just that. And going through backgrond checks and filling out paperwork and waiting and praying. Any straight knucklehead with a sex drive and a busted condom is a parent waiting to happen. Thank goodness they have marriage to protect them from their ills. Sheesh.

Ok. This makes 2 serious pieces in a row. Anybody got any bridezilla dirt?

Child Brides

The NYTimes ran a story this morning on child brides that will break your heart and simultaneously blow you away with its photo essay. Highly recommended read.

Engagement photos

It's a great time to be having a wedding, now that the Cookie Cutter Wall has crumbled and brides and grooms are seeking out ceremonies and receptions that really speak to who they are as a couple, and not what Mama wanted or what 200,000 brides did before them. Same goes for wedding photography. More than ever photojournalism is the rule of the day, so the event in all its weird, tense, beautiful, funny, embarassing, exhilarating moments is captured.

Why this trend is slow to come around for engagement portraits, I dunno. Maybe its using the word "portrait." The poses, the pearls, ick. So I appreciate the intent behind this photographer's zeal for adding a little oomph to to engagement pics. I get wanting to shake up the forced pose, the cheesy smiles, the clasped hands.

So what we end up with is... a forced pose, cheesy smile and proofs that will remain in the back filing cabinet until it gets put out for the yard sale which the neighbor buys and then there's the awkward encounter at the Rite-Aid, the no eye-contact and mumbled excuses at the potluck, the whispers and stares....

What, exactly, are you supposed to do with these engagement photos?


"Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Michaels are thrilled to announce the engagement of their sopping wet daughter, Phyllis, to the sandy, randy groom...

"Janet Lynn Williams of Augusta, Ga and Richard Smith of Yonkers, TN, will exchange vows on July 15th, 2:30 p.m. at New Bible Baptist Church. A reception and procreation at the Yacht Club will immediately follow."

Love...or crime scene photo?


I am all for couples getting their sexy on - just maybe not in the official engagement photos?

Celeb Weddings Recap

It's been a slow week in the wedding world, nuptially speaking, what with half of Hollywood deciding to get married last Saturday along with Nicole Kidman. Brigitte Neilsen apparently didn't get the memo. The husband and I are still recovering as we were nearly overtaken by the frenzy.

Me: Kidman got married. It was Saturday.

Husband: For reals?

Me: And so did the redhead from Desperate Housewives - who wil always be Scarhead from Melrose Place to me - and the blonde chick from Lost who must be in the throes of serious tendonitis after constantly hauling that prop baby to and fro on Lost Beach - and the other readhead now weirdly platinum blonde Daughter of Ron Howard, and Patricia "Chiclet Teeth" Arquette. It's like a supernova of celebritiness. We MUST join them. We MUST get married like celebrities!

Husband: Babe? We're already married.

Me: ......twitch.....

Husband: Hon? Are you saying you want to get married ag --

Me: I DO! I THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER ASK!

Husband: ........wow.

Me: My parents will be thrilled! And my agent! And wait'll the tabloids hear! Honey, start grounding those helicopters companies PRONTO because I am NOT letting the tabloids shoot this sucker for free. No sir, they can pony up $4 M for the pics.

Husband: I think The Namibian Chosen One pics got $3Mil

Me: You don't think we are worth $4 Mil?

Husband: (sound of screeching tires)

Me: Babe? Babe? But there's font to debate! And seating charts to ****

And then I snapped out of it. Scary stuff.

* I totally think it's sweet Keith got strawberry highlights to match that of his lady love's.
** reading way too much Go Fug Yourself

Nicole Kidman's bouquet subjected to rigorous anti-terrorist shakedown

Not one to be outshone by other countries' strident efforts to keep terrorism at bay, Australia steps up to the plate and prevents what could have been a violent and shocking violation of their country's "bio-security" laws and keeps Nicole Kidman's bouquet cooties at home, right where they belong.

Story here

Yummy Paper Part II

I am currently addicted to Something Old, Something New, a beautiful design/wedding blog by the designer of KenzieKate Invitations, Mackenzie Sala. Refreshingly snark-free, she scours the internet for the latest in wedding trends (and I do too!I just get distracted by the 102 yr old women marrying their 32nd husband news-bytes). It's a double your pleasure site - check out the beautiful baubles on the blog and then surf over to her invitation site which features some of the most stunningly gorgeous invitations I've ever seen...but for some reason can't display here.

By the way, the links on this blog are the equivalent of invisible ink.If you don't see a "click here" indicator, wave the cursor over the blog entry and look for the magical link to materialize. It's fun! Like you're a spy and I'm leaving you a secret message. Or I'm just too damn lazy to figure out how to change the link color. Either way, happing hunting!

Tied in Knots

For all you California brides and lovers of terrible mishaps inflicted on others than yourself, Vromans in Pasadena is hosting a reading of Tied in Knots, a collection of excructiatingly awful, embrassing wedding mishaps that are sure to make your "Flower Girl fistfight" tale pale in comparison. I'd be there if my excruciatingly awful, embarrassing summer cold hadn't finished pistol-whipping me into submission. Tonight at 7 PM.

Details here

Why Marriage is Hard

Marriage can be hard. There's the division of housework and chores. Rent. Taxes. Sex in the bedroom or the front porch? Kids. Kids. And Kids.

But karate? Pity poor, poor Karla.

Paper goodness

My love affair with paper that started building in intensity during the wedding planning - it took me 3 months to decide on the invitations - has now snowballed into a full blown obsession. LA has a plethora of cardshops to help feed the habit, but there are plenty more shops online that can help turn your idly-dreamed of invitations into a masterpiece. Like Starshaped Press out of Chicago. Letterpress Wizard Jennifer Farrell works with antique presses to conjure up beautiful, unique designs that help set the tone for your wedding. Or baby announcement, or CD release party. She does it all. So why settle on Old Faithful's cream and black tableau when you could rock this:

More papery goodness at her website here

BrokeGuest Mountain...pa da pah!

Thanks to slick wedding mags and tabloid photos of botoxed star brides shrinkwrapped into Monique Lhuillier gowns on sunkissed, sugar white beaches, destination weddings have exploded in popularity, and with it, the credit card bill required to be a wedding guest at one of these fancy shindigs. This summer I have a reprieve as my engaged friends have gorgeous weddings planned on home turf, but what about you? Are your best friends coaxing you to fly halfway around the world to indulge in a week of elephant rides and ceremonial mollusk fishing and materimonial splendor at the Four Seasons at a reduced rate of $460/ night? And then there are the shower gifts, meals, not to mention the wedding gift! What's a guest to do? Would you send $2000 on a friend's wedding? Would you still buy them a gift? Would you blame it on the rain, when the sky is fa-al-lin? Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble, to and fro? Anything? I would love to hear your thoughts! Hit that ole comment button and leave some wisdom behind.

Pretty please?

More on wedding guest financial blues here