Tomkat Makes it Official

I'm thrilled to report that the Cruise wedding went off with a nary a hitch this weekend in Italy.










The Beckhams giddily reveled in the costume-optional clause in the wedding invitation, showing up as Schoolmarm Barbie and Captain Metrosexual.




Laughing off the widely reported scientology vows they were expected to exchange, the beaming couple recited their own personal pledge to each other, and really, to us, promising their marriage would contain no more press grandstanding, couch surfing or mentions of Kate Cruise. And that they would, upon their return from their honeymoon, disappear forever inside their Colorado compound, only to surface to vote or take advantage of the season-end sales at Bloomies. The bride wore heels and towered over her tiny, beaming husband and didn't radiate her usual zombie-like child bride aura in their official photograph. And there was much rejoicing.

At least, that's how it played out in my head.